Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
