Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize