I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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