You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
