Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
