Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
