She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
