Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
