dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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