Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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