i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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