One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
