Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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