You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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