I'm really into asian looking animals
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
