Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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