Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
