I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
