also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
