If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
