I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
