you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
