you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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