she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize