The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
