I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
