OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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