my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
