i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
