You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize