Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
