If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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