Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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