how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
