For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
