I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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