I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
