I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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