i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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