just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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