Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
