I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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