hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize