Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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