he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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