The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize