now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize