My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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