I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
