I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
