my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
