U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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