i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
