You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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