Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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