when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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