did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
