I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
