I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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