Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
