what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
