Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
