That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
