dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
