We got so high we made milksteak
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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